


Crooked Souls

by A_Starry_Night



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Alec and Ellie still snipe back and forth despite being twenty years younger, Asexual Character, Cafes and coffee shops are visited, Gen, Not set in Broadchurch, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23673760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Starry_Night/pseuds/A_Starry_Night
Summary: Twenty years before Danny Latimer's body is found on the beach, two wayward souls running from home and responsibility meet off-chance.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller
Comments: 17
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote the first chapter of this years ago, and I've only just recently decided to post it here and update it. I've changed some things from the initial posting I'd put up on ff.net, most namely the setting I'd had originally in London being now in Ashford, Kent because I found out from research that London in the 1990s/early 2000s did not and does not have police academy options there. Yay, research! Of course I could be completely wrong about that anyway, so please let me know otherwise.

We are crooked souls trying to stay up straight,  
Dry eyes in the pouring rain  
The shadow proves the sunshine  
The shadow proves the sunshine

Two scared little runaways  
Hold fast to the break of day light were  
The shadow proves the sunshine

“Shadows Prove the Sunshine”, Switchfoot

~/~/~/~/~

Ellie Barrett was not having a good day.

At all.

To start with, her train to Ashford had left before she reached the station so she’d had to wait two hours before she could even continue on her way. Then, on the way, two of her bags of clothes had gone missing from the luggage carriage.

And finally, to top it all off, it was raining. _Pouring_. And she’d forgotten, in her haste to leave in the morning, to grab her umbrella.

It was just one of those days, and Ellie was ready to tear her hair out by the roots. A scream of utter frustration was swiftly building in her throat—she just wanted to reach the hotel room without being swept away, damn it, was that too much to ask? Apparently so, because as she was carting her one bag across the street to her destination a car managed to hit a pothole and splash her from the knees down.

“Get used to the water, hon,” the hotel clerk—an older woman who looked positively nonplussed by Ellie’s bedraggled appearance—said knowingly. “It’s springtime here.”

“I’m not planning on staying here long, thank you,” Ellie responded icily; her mother had taught her better manners than that but in her present mood she couldn’t bring herself to care. Staying here would only be a problem for the next day or two until she could bunk with her mate, but she was afraid it would be a long wait until then. She turned smartly on her heel and with as much dignity as she could made her way to her room, her shoes squeaking and her soaked pants leaving a trail of water behind her. She was grateful that the hotel still had its heat on; the rain had an edge of winter’s chill to it, and it seemed to freeze the bones. She changed out of her soaked clothes and soaked her frozen feet in the bathtub, and after thirty minutes of relaxing and quiet she felt much better.

Then she realized that she was hungry. Her quick meal of porridge at five in the morning had been a long time ago, and she hadn’t had anything since, and her stomach was growling. She sighed; she really didn’t feel like going back out in the rain but when she asked about where she could go the clerk told her there was a café four buildings down—and there were no extra umbrellas to be had. Ellie cursed under her breath, her lightened mood thoroughly spoiled again, but her stomach was not going to allow her to ignore it. 

The rain had not at all lessened in the time she had been inside and despite her sprinting down the street as fast as she could she still became quickly soaked again. There was a group of people entering the café as she approached and they all seemed determined to go through the doorway as slowly as they could, talking and laughing among themselves and utterly oblivious to the young woman standing several feet away waiting irritably to enter in behind them. Finally they all went through the doorway and Ellie, feeling ready to scream again, made to go in as well.

One final pedestrian reached the doorway before her and Ellie felt her teeth grind until they felt ready to crack—but then she realized the door was being held open for her, and she almost forgot to thank the person holding the door for her. When she did remember to look up, she saw it was a young man barely older than she was and holding a bag clearly full of books and notepads. He was looking her up and down curiously, taking in her drenched clothing and wet hair.

Ellie blushed, realizing how rude she was being, and hurried through. “Thank you,” she muttered, looking up to catch his eye. “Sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said just as quietly. His accent gave her pause. Scottish?

He noticed her double take and quickly turned away, heading his own way to a table. But Ellie, not one to like sitting by herself in a room, followed after him hesitantly. “I’m Ellie,” she said finally, startling herself. 

He set his bags down and turned to look at her. She hadn’t registered his height while at the door. He seemed to tower over her from how lanky and tall he was. He seemed to fight with himself for a long moment, looking taken aback by her openness, until he finally decided to reply. “Alec.” It was clear by his tone of his dislike of the name.

She smiled, feeling easier now that he had responded. “D’you mind if I sit with you? It’s just that I’ve never been to London before and I don’t know anyone here—“ She was babbling, nervous, suddenly wondering if maybe she was overstepping or pushing, hastening to explain. “I could go, so that I’m not bothering you—“

Looking a bit wary at her amount of words, he motioned to the table. “It’s alright.” He turned to go to the counter and paused. “D’you want something?”

She grinned again. His nervousness seemed endearing somehow; clearly he felt uncomfortable around the opposite sex. “You can surprise me,” she said, handing him a couple pounds.

He nodded, and Ellie’s grin grew. He really didn’t talk much, did he? She set her own purse on the chair opposite his and sat down, watching as he went to order their drinks. Tea, she noticed when he came back. It smelled beautiful. “You’re not from around here, are you?”

He shook his head, sitting down. “Up for a school.” He took his time taking a drink, looking at her over the rim of his cup with dark amber eyes. “Where are you from, then?”

“The middle of nowhere,” Ellie said sarcastically, then clarified after a pause. “A tiny little seaside town."

He wrinkled his nose. “Don’t like the sea,” he muttered distastefully.

She could have taken offense, but her smile only widened. “Well, you’re awkward, aren’t you?” she teased him good-naturedly.

“And you have no filter,” he sniped back just as quickly.

“No, I don’t.” She said it proudly; her tendency to speak her mind may have driven her parents and sister to distraction but she had never felt ashamed of it. “You let me sit here, though, mind you.”

A hint of a smile softened his face. “I did, didn’t I? My mistake.”

He was sassy, she could give him that. “Well, if you feel that way…” She made as if to stand, but he shook his head. The sudden seriousness to his expression made her stomach drop a little.

“You don’t have to go. I’m sorry, sometimes I…” His hands played helplessly along the edges of his cup, looking down at the table to hide the sudden flush coloring his face.

Ellie took pity on him, trying to ignore her confusion why someone would take a clear joke so seriously. Just by his body language she’d been able to tell that he genuinely thought he’d upset her, even though just a second before he had made a joke of his own. “It’s alright. I don’t mind what you said, I know you were just being funny.” Her stomach chose that moment to growl. Loudly. She shifted in her seat, embarrassed. “Damn it. Be right back, I’ve gotta grab something to eat.” Her face felt hot as she grabbed her purse, and she caught the beginnings of a smile starting on his face as she stood. Well, at least he was amused. She could hear him laughing as she approached the counter. Trying to fight down the blush on her face she ordered a small meal and a chocolate muffin and when she made her way back to the table with the latter he had seemed to have laughed himself out. His eyes were bright with amusement, though, as she sat across from him again.

“I did that at church once, years ago,” he said with a grin. “Right in the middle of the prayer.”

She peeled the paper off the muffin and broke a piece off. “Oh, you religious?”

He snorted. “Please. My mum had to drag me there. I haven’t been inside a church for years.”

“Mmmm.” Ellie swallowed her mouthful, thoughtful. “I’ve never understood church myself. I think religion is outdated.” She offered him a piece of her muffin, which he declined. He eyed it critically. 

“You seem to like chocolate.”

“Oh, I’m obsessive about it. My sister used to tell me I would bathe in it if I could. The chocolate river in Willy Wonka was always my favorite part.” When all she received was a blank stare, she raised her eyebrows. “You know, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? Don’t tell me you’ve never seen it!”

He shook his head. “Don’t watch much telly.” He finished his tea and played with the empty cup.

“Too busy with school, then?” 

He opened his mouth to reply but the waitress chose that moment to drop off Ellie’s food and he waited until they were alone again before he answered. “The academy keeps you on your feet.”

Ellie stared at him. “You’re training to be a copper?”

“Aye.” He frowned, hearing the odd note to her voice. “Why?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just…” Quietly she played with her fork, wondering what she could say that wouldn’t hurt the fresh wounds that had made her leave her hometown in the first place. She took a bite of her sandwich to buy herself time before finally she felt she had stretched the silence between them far enough. “I’ve been debating on joining the police force myself.”

He didn’t say anything aloud, only nodding his understanding. Suddenly Ellie was very glad Alec didn’t speak much. She finished her meal in silence, allowing her still-loud stomach to lead her; perfectly fine with the quiet, Alec pulled out one of the notepads in his bag and wrote some notes from a narrative stuck within its pages.

When Ellie was finished, she looked outside to find that the rain had stopped. She breathed a sigh of relief, very glad that she wouldn’t be soaked for a third time in a day, and for a moment watched water drip off the roof. The sound of paper rustling drew her attention away and she looked back at her quiet companion to find him closing the notepad and placing it back into his bag. He stood, grabbing hold of his coat, and pushed his chair in.

“Thanks for the company, Ellie.” He seemed truly genuine saying that, which made her feel warm inside.

“Would you—like to meet here tomorrow?” The question took her aback, surprising even herself. Dear God, her mum would be furious with her for being so blasé around a stranger—a stranger who was a young man, to boot, and someone she hadn’t even met until an hour ago. But Ellie attached herself to what she already knew when in a strange environment, and within the space of an hour Alec had already become something familiar. “Just for tea, yeah? Or coffee.”

He stared at her for a long moment, trying to decide whether she was being serious or not, and then he smiled slightly. “I’d like that. Two sound good?”

She nodded. “Great.”

His smile widened. “See you then.” He slung his bag over his shoulder and to Ellie’s surprise grabbed her empty plate, carrying it to the dirty-dishes tray by the door for her before slipping outside. Ellie watched him until he disappeared into the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

“So where in Scotland are you from?” Ellie asked over her cup—coffee today, the mug filled halfway with sugar and cream. Her hands cradled the smooth ceramic sides of it, trying to warm up her chilled fingers. Spring seemed to have temporarily fled in a final gust of winter cold; she was grateful she’d thought to grab a jacket before making her getaway.

Seated across from her, Alec took a drink of his own coffee before answering. “Glasgow.”

“Oh, so you’re already used to the big city, then. London must not be that much of a change of pace for you.”

He grunted. “Haven’t lived in Scotland for a few years now, actually.” He shrugged in response to Ellie’s surprised look, a small humorless grin tugging at his mouth. “There’s no one there to stay for, so I left.” The grin suddenly gained a quietly amused edge and he nodded to the windows of the café, where a few snowflakes were attempting to fall amidst the rain. “If you think this is bad, you’d hate Scotland in the spring.”

“I dunno,” Ellie remarked thoughtfully, sipping her drink, “the sea can be pretty brutal this time of year. Cold, too.” She stared wistfully outside for a moment, thinking of Broadchurch’s towering cliffs and rumbling surf. “And it rains a lot there.”

“You’re in England, of course it’s going to rain.” The response was snide and partially obscured as he took another drink.

Ellie wrinkled her nose. “I really don’t get how you can drink that black, Alec.”

The amusement in his expression deepened seeing her grimace. “Grew up on it that way, can’t help it. What about you, though, ruining a perfectly good cuppa by putting all that shite in it?”

“Sugar and cream is not _shite_ ,” Ellie replied smoothly. “This just proves you need more sugar in your life.”

“Yeah, and it’ll kill you faster.”

She smiled. “I don’t think this newfound friendship is going to work out if we’re going to disagree about sweets.”

She was glad he didn’t take her seriously today. “So you’re choosing coffee over friendship? Good luck to your future husband then.”

She threw her napkin at him. “You’re awful!”

And of course he threw it right back. “And you ruin coffee.”

Ellie crumpled the napkin up in her palm and dropped it on her plate. “Well, that would be your point of view, wouldn’t it? I could say you’re just boring because you like hot bean water.”

He outright laughed at her last few words but he didn’t respond otherwise, and Ellie smugly thought she’d won that particular disagreement. She was plenty surprised by how easy it was to talk to this still-virtual stranger and have a conversation with him. Not that it was much of a back-and-forth—Ellie did most of the talking, but that was alright because even if he wasn’t always looking at her he still listened. It had been a little over three weeks since she’d come across Alec in this café and although she had finally met up with Kate and lodged with her for now, she still couldn’t seem to forget the reclusive Scot she’d stumbled across. He agreed to meet up with her after every outing, though, which to Ellie simply proved he wanted a friend, too. She knew Lucy would be catcalling and making her crude little comments if she was here, her every thought bent on a possible shag, but Ellie didn’t care about that. Her older sister was far from here, and honestly from the way Lucy liked to run off she wasn’t sure how much she’d end up seeing her again. 

“You okay?”

Her mood had dipped thinking about what she’d left behind, and she stared down at her near-empty cup for a moment. Alec’s question caught her off-guard and she floundered for a suitable response. She looked up to find him frowning slightly at her, unsure of what was wrong. The look of innocent worry was oddly enduring on him; where Ellie was the social butterfly and could talk up a fence post with no trouble, she’d noticed he was the complete opposite and he struggled to have an easy-going conversation even with her. He liked his books and his work and he was more than content to sit in silence and in the corner as everyone else intermingled. But right now, unsure how to navigate her sudden hurt, he was trying. Instead of growing angry by his question and biting his head off like she had with everyone at Broadchurch, she merely shrugged. “Just—a lot’s happened, you know? Life in general,” she replied weakly, hoping he would take that as a good enough answer. 

He did, thank God. “Yeah.” His expression was appraising but soft as he looked at her, and she knew he was still curious.

Thoughts of Lucy prompted her. “You have any siblings?” And when he shook his head, “Girlfriend?” Again with the wordless headshake, and then he was going back to his book. Ellie was both relieved and a little disappointed by the lack of conversation and she went to order a chocolate biscuit, and she was unprepared for him to ask without even looking up, 

“So what's the name of your seaside town?”

She panicked—stuffing the entirety of the biscuit in her mouth sounded like the perfect decision in the moment, but after another moment of nearly choking on it she swiftly decided otherwise. She coughed and stole a drink of his untouched water glass to better help with the crumbs stuck in her throat and hoped it would have sufficiently distracted him from the question.

No such luck. He’d looked concerned and then vaguely amused by her reaction, the bastard, and then gone back to his book as she finished settling herself down. As soon as she had finished making sure she wasn’t going to choke to death he was back to silently looking at her, waiting for an answer. Her mouth twisted. “Broadchurch,” she finally admitted. “Little fisherman’s town down the Dorset coast. It’s small and cramped and everyone knows everything about everybody else. You’d hate it.”

The bitterness she harbored towards her hometown was carefully construed as sarcasm, and he didn’t bother commenting further. He’d never witnessed small town mentality and he had no interest to, either, although the name of the town was vaguely tickling him in the back of his thoughts for its familiarity. “Probably would,” he agreed, standing in preparation of leaving. “See you next week?”

His abrupt departures always threw her, no matter how many times he did them. Her mouth opened to ask him why he never seemed to remember his manners before she closed it again, in no mood to begin an argument. “Yeah. Same time good?”

“Should be. If not, I’ll meet you some other time.”

He worked a lot. That Ellie knew without having to do much looking into, but she felt no shame in trailing him one day to find out exactly where. By herself in the wide expanse of Ashford, she had wanted to make sure he wasn’t a drug dealer, or someone of ill repute and so she’d been pleasantly surprised to find he was employed at a bookshop (which wasn’t all that surprising, to be honest) while he wasn’t at the academy for the police force. That was where her investigation ended, though—she had no wish to start stalking him more than she already had. Instead, she busied herself with her own outings and playing tourist, an odd thing to do from the other side after all these years of watching tourists at Broadchurch’s beaches. She’d begun looking into employment but hadn’t had much luck so far, although Kate was helping her with sniffing out the better jobs. 

Like today. Kate was home already from college, and on a rare day off from her own job of office work as a secretary, and she greeted Ellie with a cheery smile and a hug like always. “Have fun on your date, then, Ell?”

Never mind Lucy—Ellie had enough teasing with her friend when it came to her meetings with Alec. She rolled her eyes on mock-irritation at the gentle ribbing and replied, “Loads. Now if I would only be interested in kissing him, we’d be all set. He's not my type-- too skinny. I'd thought Rick was bad, and he'd been a rake!”

"You'll find someone." Kate laughed and headed towards the kitchen to start the water for tea, tapping on a small stack of papers sitting on the table as she did. “Got a couple more applications for you then, if you’re still planning on staying on.”

“I am.” Ellie plopped down on the sofa and took the papers in hand, perusing through them idly as she heard Kate banging around in the kitchen. It was a tired conversation—as much as Kate loved having Ellie here in Ashford, she didn’t like the way the latter had left Broadchurch and occasionally tried to convince her to go back. “Hmm. Not much hiring right now, is there? Wait a mo’—Kate, you can’t be serious! A _nightclub_?”

Laughter from the kitchen was her response. “Why not? You’d be a waitress, not a show. Hell, if you’re good at mixing drinks they might even make you a bartender.”

“Don’t these sorts of places make you wear—I dunno, skimpy outfits and whatnot?”

Kate shrugged and leaned against the doorway. “You’ve got the legs for it if they do.”

“What about staying up late and then sleeping through most of the day?”

“What about it? I go to college and then work, you’d have the flat to yourself for most of that time. We’d work with it.” The water was hot enough that she went and finished their individual cups and she sat down opposite of the sofa to continue the conversation. “C’mon, Ellie, just think about it. You’d get wicked tips and booze!”

Ellie laughed despite herself. “The wicked tips are only good if I don’t have to _buy_ the booze!” She placed the applications on the table and pulled her legs up underneath her, cradling her mug in her lap. “I’ll think about it. You haven’t… heard from anybody, have you?”

For a moment it seemed like Kate wasn’t going to realize the change in conversation, but then the amusement in her expression vanished. “Your dad,” she admitted quietly. “He called today asking in not so many words if I’d seen you around, and whether or not I had any way of contacting you—”

“Damn it!” Ellie leaned her head back against the sofa and breathed in sharply through her nose. “Of all the times for him to get his head out of his arse and look around, he chooses _now_?” She looked back up. “What did you tell him?”

“That I hadn’t seen you. But he sounded really worried, Ell, worse than he ever has. If he hasn’t started sending out missing person notices yet he will be soon, and then you’ll really be up shit creek. You should call him just so he knows you’re safe.”

“I left him a note, why should I give him a call? He’ll just try to make me go back.”

“And will that really be so bad? C’mon, Ell, you can’t hide how much you miss it, you’re so sad all the time—”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Kate. I’m not going back. Not yet.”

She went to bed that night uneasy and upset, with anxiety bubbling in her stomach. Her dreams were of the crashing ocean and its waves, and when she woke up she felt no more rested than she had the night before. Kate was gone for the day like she always was and had left a plate of breakfast warming in the oven for her, which Ellie scarfed down quickly without tasting much of it, and it took her awhile to realize that it wasn’t simply anxiety eating away at her—it was guilt. When she’d left home it had been with the self-assurance that her dad wouldn’t care enough to wonder where she’d gone, but now it seemed like he did, and it had thrown her completely. It was Mum who did the caring in the house, after all, not Dad.

_Admit it, Barrett_ , she thought to herself. _You’re bloody well homesick._

She wouldn’t admit it aloud, but she was. Suddenly angry at herself for the weakness of such a confession she dressed quickly and went outdoors to enjoy a crisp morning jog that was for once rain-free and then to the cinema to watch one of the latest horror films. The applications she’d filled out last night were dropped off at their respective places and along the way she found two more businesses hiring, but she didn’t have high hopes. It wasn’t the height of tourist season yet, what with the weather being still too cold and wet for most non-locals, so very few people were searching for new staff until business picked up again.

It was a very slow week. By the time she was meant to go to the café like usual, she was pleading for a change in pace, for something _interesting_ to happen. And she definitely should have revised that wish because when she reached it, she found Alec had changed their usual affair up. He’d ordered their usual drinks and food, but they were in to-go containers and he met her outside instead of indoors. They found an empty park bench to sit at while they ate and enjoyed the weather, which was fairer and warmer than it had been yet all year, but just as Ellie was starting to relax from the change in pace, he managed to turn it all around on her without even looking around.

“How long have you been a missing persons case, then, Ellie?”


	3. Chapter 3

“How in the hell—?”

“C’mon, you’re really asking me that? I’m training to be a police officer, you don’t think we have any missing persons cases pop up?”

It was the snidest she’d ever heard him—it appeared, she thought wryly, that he did have a bite to him after all. She would have been amused by that fact if she wasn’t already so furious. “I didn’t think you’d be spying on me like that! You don’t have the right to just- just look me up like that and dump it on me all of a sudden!”

“It got a genuine response from you, didn’t it?” It was meant as a rhetorical question, but Ellie still flipped him off for it. He’d won that round, and they both knew it. He stood and tossed his trash in the nearest bin, and then patiently waited for her to stop her grumbling and follow him. Feeling a little like an errant puppy, she did so and swore under her breath the entire way. They didn’t head in any particular direction; it seemed he was perfectly content to simply walk without a destination in mind, and for most of the time they didn’t even speak. They had traveled several blocks and stopped at a public rest area for a moment to allow Ellie to relieve herself and then they’d continued on their way. By that time night was falling, and it was with a shock that Ellie looked at her watch to see it was several hours after they would have normally called it quits.

“My mate’s gonna kill me,” she groaned. “She’s going to think I’ve been kidnapped, or picked up by a strange bloke and- and raped or something, or maybe drunk in the gutter somewhere…”

He side-eyed her. “ _Drunk in a gutter_?”

“That’s what you pick up on? _Really_?” Both exasperated and amused by his reaction, Ellie shook her head and dropped onto a low-hanging stone wall that lined the walkway they were currently treading. After a moment, he joined her. “Maybe you are a strange bloke, and maybe you will kidnap me.”

“Think you’ve done a good job of kidnapping yourself, actually.” A high wind was blowing, and with the sun having set the air was growing chilly; Ellie shivered where she sat, and he wordlessly handed her his scarf to keep her neck and face warm. 

“Thought you would be telling me it was wrong to just leave,” she mumbled a bit resentfully as she wrapped it around her neck. “Isn’t that what a police officer’s supposed to do?”  
“Don’t really have the right to do that, do I? I didn’t exactly leave home with my parents’ permission, either.” He kept his attention very firmly kept on the setting sun, unwilling to see her expression. “The name of the town was what I needed,” he said suddenly, in lieu of an explanation. 

There was another long moment of silence. Ellie wondered about his surprising confession but didn’t have the courage to ask about it, hypocritical as it would undoubtedly be. “When will my dad get here, then?” she sighed, slumping a little more.

“What?”

“Well, you found out I’m a missing person. Didn’t you call my dad to tell him where I am?”

His confusion vanished at her question and she was taken aback again when he shook his head. “No.”

Her head shot up. “What? Why not?”

He shrugged. “Same reason as before. You’re an adult—you have the legal right to leave home whenever you want, and technically your parents don’t have the ability to force you back if you don’t want to. If you haven’t called or contacted them yet, clearly you don’t want to.”

It was the most he’d ever said at once, and it was said so matter of factly that she felt a bit dazed, like he’d knocked her upside the head. Her upwelling of gratitude at his unexpected bid of understanding left her floundering for a moment and of course her awkwardness left her without a filter. “Well, you’ll make the worst cop in Britain if you have that outlook long.”

He sighed and to her consternation stood rather abruptly; it was clear in his suddenly rigid posture that she’d upset him somehow and she tried to figure out what she could do to fix it. “Look, I- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that—” She did, but it was unfair and he hadn’t deserved it. “And I appreciate it, that you didn’t call my dad, I really am—”

“’S fine, just shut up for a minute, will you? Jesus.” Definitely a bite to him, Ellie thought. She stood up too and watched him pace up and down the cement sidewalk, trying not to fidget overly much. The cold and unspoken agreement had them continue on their way, but they were far on the other side of the city and Ellie’s flat was still a long way to go at night. “You can bunk at mine if you want,” he offered to her quietly when she voiced that concern aloud. 

She should have been more alarmed by his suggestion, really she should have, but she actually considered it for a moment. Finally, though, she shook her head. “No, but thanks. I really don’t want Kate raising an alarm; I’m already a missing person, don’t want to add to it.” He hummed his understanding and didn’t try to fight her on it, which she appreciated. “We can go to a pub, though, if you want.”

“What for?”

He seemed so genuinely confused by her suggestion that she almost laughed, but she wasn’t sure how he would react to that. “Drinks. Hanging out.”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”

“Oh come on! Pub crawls are fun, you can see what sort of crazy things the drunk people are doing and check out the cute ones!” He was looking both bored and confused at the suggestion the more she talked and she paused at his raised brow hearing the last few words. “You know, the cute guys in the pubs? Well, cute girls in your case, but it’s the same thing.” At his continued confused stare she thought back to a previous conversation and stopped with her hands on her hips. “Wait, you told me you don’t have a girlfriend. Have you _ever_ had a girlfriend?”

His confusion changed to mild irritation. “Does everything have to revolve around having one, Ellie?”

“Oh my god, you’ve never had one! Have you at least had sex before?”

Now the irritation was switching to exasperated impatience and he stopped where he stood to look her fully in the face. “No, and I’m not interested. Never have been.”

She desperately wanted to tease him, to ask more questions about his opinions, but his prickliness about it all warned her to leave it alone. She’d offended him by her initial reaction, even if he hadn’t said it aloud, but his expression was evidence enough of that fact. She wondered how many others had had her reaction to his lack of interest and finally felt a little guilty about her laughing about it all. “Sorry,” she said quietly after they had walked several more blocks. He didn’t answer her. They split off ways eventually and he still hadn’t said a word to her except for a gruff good night, but he’d nodded to her asking about meeting up again in a week’s time at their café and so she breathed a little easier knowing she hadn’t just inadvertently ruined what friendship they had. 

Kate was already asleep by the time she made it in, and Ellie breathed a sigh of relief as she shrugged off her coat and shoes. She’d forgotten to give Alec his scarf back and she placed it on the counter to remember to give it back to him when they met next, then changed into her pajamas to fall into bed. 

~/~/~/~/~

“Still looking through those missing person notices, Alec?”

The question came from behind him, but Alec had heard the footsteps approaching on the tile and therefore wasn’t at all surprised by it. He closed the folder and turned around in time to see Callum sidling up beside him, his expression a mix of curious and teasing as he peeked over Alec’s shoulder. “Can you keep a secret, Cal?”

“Well, I am the psychologist-in-training here, keeping secrets is part of the job description. What is it?”

Alec led the way to one of the academy’s break rooms, peeking in to see if it was empty or not before leading the way inside. “You know that girl I’ve been meeting with every week?”

“Of course. What of her?”

Silently he handed Cal the printed-off page that held Ellie Barrett’s information, allowing him a moment to read it before explaining, “I thought she’d looked familiar somehow a couple of weeks ago.”

“Bloody hell, that’s ironic.” Cal looked up and met his gaze for a long moment, his expression slowly changing to a frown. “You haven’t reported it yet. That she’s the one you’ve been meeting.”

“You’re the only one I’ve told.”

Sitting back, Cal crossed his legs and was silent for a long moment. Working as a psychologist had given him a lot of practice in sifting through his thoughts before speaking them aloud; he was known for listening to a lot of opinions without giving up too many of his own, and this was one of several reasons why Alec liked him so much.

Loved him, really, but Callum already knew that. 

“She’s of age if the information here is any indication. She’s told you she left her father’s house of her own violation?”

“Left him a note, apparently. Not telling him where she went or how long she’s going to be gone, which I suspect is the reason why he seems so worried.”

There was bitterness in his voice as he finished speaking and Callum sighed. He’d had a healthy home life growing up with loving parents who did as parents are supposed to do—but Alec had not. “Well, as an adult she isn’t obligated to go back home, and even if she was reported to the police she can’t be forced, either. That has to be done of her own choice.” He was silent for another long moment. “You’re not sure whether you should contact her father or not.”

“I just… the way she reacted when I asked her about this, it seemed like she and her dad don’t have the best relationship. Like she thought he wouldn’t notice she was gone. There’s a reason why she left home to begin with—what if she has a legitimate reason she doesn’t want to go back? If I contact him just to let him know she’s safe, it’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Which sounds like you’re already leaning towards not doing anything at all. Leave it be for now; try to let her talk about it all first without pushing her into confessing what’s happened. If she starts behaving like she’s going to land herself in trouble, then you should reach out to the available authorities. But you told me she’s bunking with a mate in a better part of town, she doesn’t have the look of someone who’s dangerously out of control on drugs or alcohol, and she’s actively looking for a job. For now, she’s doing what she needs to do to live.” Callum handed Alec the paper back and took hold of his hand before he could pull away. 

“Cal!” he hissed, eyeing the doorway quickly for any passers-by, but he didn’t tug himself away. “We agreed!”

“And no one’s seen anything,” Callum responded gently, “because we haven’t _done_ anything. Not exactly going to be _able_ to do anything, are we?”

“No.” The reply was apologetic. His dislike for the idea of sex notwithstanding, Alec knew he could _choose_ to engage with someone if he wanted to; but Callum didn’t have the ability to even do that being castrated like he was. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that—”

“You’re just an intensely private person,” Callum interrupted with a soft smile that showed he was forgiven. “You do something and then let everyone else around you guess what you’ve done.”

“I’m not ashamed of you.”

“Of course you’re not. You think I’d be together with you if you were? You’d have reacted that way if I were a woman too.” Callum’s smile widened and then he was standing from his seat, pressing Alec’s fingers gently as he did. “I expect to see you at mine this evening. I’m making Italian.”

“No chicken this time?”

Callum laughed. “No chicken, I swear. Just a lot of mushrooms. And alfredo sauce.” With a glance to the still-empty corridor beyond the door he leaned in to kiss his cheek as a goodbye. “Have a good day, yeah? Come around five, and I’ll have the meal and wine ready by then.”

“Wine? Really? What kind of a Scot are you when you don’t even choose whiskey to drink?”

“A poor one.” Callum laughed as he left, and Alec smiled fondly to himself as he stood to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my headcanon for this story, Alec is a biromantic asexual, something that's been rolling around in my head for several years now. Also, for whatever reason I've pictured Callum McDowell as a young Alan Cummings because as soon as I realized he's Scottish in real life it was all over.


	4. Chapter 4

Nearly a month went by before either of them mentioned anything else about Ellie’s missing person’s status, although in a way it was an inevitable conversation. Alec had missed their last week’s meet up due to a stay-over at the academy for a project but today he had met her as their wont now outside the doors of the café with tea in hand. She was hungry after a day of running around but she merely waited until they were passing a fish and chips stand to buy a meal, wrinkling her nose at the chips. 

Not as good as the ones in Broadchurch, but there you go. Couldn’t have everything. She offered some to Alec but he shook his head silently like he always did—he rarely ate when they were together, and when he did it was something small, so she imagined that was part of the reason why he was so thin. She shrugged in response and stuffed another chip in her mouth and smiled seeing the sideways look he gave her for it. “Not very talkative today, are you?” she mumbled around her mouthful.

“Am I ever?” he retorted, but it wasn’t too terribly rude and so she knew he wasn’t irritated by her question. 

“Guess not,” she said with a cheeky grin after swallowing. She was right, though—even after all this time she did most of the talking on their outings, which suited him fine. She just hadn’t hit the right topic to talk about with him, of that she was sure; everyone had at least one topic they could talk about forever, and she was determined to find out his. But today there was something more decidedly off about his silence than usual, a certain tenseness to him that she’d never seen before. He was gearing up to tell her something, she realized, and abruptly she felt her stomach turn knowing there was really only one topic he would be hesitant to talk to her about. “Did you decide to contact my dad after all?” she asked—blurted, more like, which she wanted to kick herself for.

He shook his head. It was particularly windy today and his hair was in his eyes as he glanced at her. “Someone apparently did, though,” he said quietly. “Heard someone reported seeing you around here, they have it on file.”

She swore viciously. “He should bloody well leave well enough alone! God, why he can’t he just—?” She cut herself off with a growled hiss and stopped where she stood, looking up to the sky with her clenched fists on her hips. “I should give him a call just to tell him to piss off.”

“You never mention your mum.”

His quiet observation stopped her tirade before it could start; the air left her lungs so quickly it felt like he had physically punched her, and she felt painfully blindsided. Shouldn’t have, really, but she did. “I don’t- I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.”

She flinched, stung. “What’s it to you?” she demanded, her hackles rising in her sudden nervousness. “So I mention my dad a lot, what does that prove about anything?”

“Nothing, maybe.” He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, not even looking over at her now. “Just wondered if maybe you’d want to talk about it yet.”

“You ready to tell me your secrets, then?” Ellie shot back at him; her hands were fisted at her side now, her nostrils flared, and tension was vibrating up her back as she glared at up him. “You want to tell me why you don’t live in Scotland anymore? You told me you didn’t want to know!”

“No, I said I wasn’t going to contact your parents. Doesn’t mean that I don’t wonder why you’re running. Or what you’re running from.”

“Why do you care?” There was more wariness than snideness in the question, and she was eyeing him up and down in distrust, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Aren’t that what friends are supposed to do? Make sure if you’re alright?”

The saddest thing about his question, Ellie thought to herself, was he was genuinely asking, like he truly didn’t know. How few friends had this shy, awkward young man truly had in his life that he had to ask that question now? Abruptly she felt like she wanted a cry, a really long one, because Kate had been right—she was a mess right now, and floundering, and she’d thought she could handle being on her own, but she’d never been so wrong in her life. “I- felt—I couldn’t stand being there,” she found herself admitting shakily. “I had to get away. I can’t…”

He really had to be wired differently from other blokes, because her sudden tears didn’t seem to faze him, or freak him out like they did so many others. Instead of freezing and telling her to stop crying, he merely sighed and took hold of her elbow to lead her a nearby bench. He left her sitting there long enough to go and find a pack of tissues for her and then wordlessly handed them over, allowing her some privacy and deliberately shielding her from others’ eyes. Throughout it all he didn’t say a word, didn’t even ask if she was okay, but that was alright because she probably would have bitten his head off for trying. 

“Up for a bit more of a walk?” he finally asked when she’d calmed herself down. She wiped her face sloppily with a tissue and sniffed, nodding to the ground in answer, but she made no immediate move to stand until he held out his hand in offer. She kicked herself for noticing how long and graceful his fingers were and cleared her throat before he could say anything else. 

“Where are we going, then?”

“Mine. You could do with a drink.”

His flat was small, sparsely furnished and tidy, but with a lived-in feel to it nonetheless. He clearly felt comfortable in his own space, something Ellie had not yet had the chance to find out for her own self, but she did notice that there were extra glasses and plates in the sink, and empty spots beside the door where there should be other pairs of shoes. “So you do socialize,” she managed to joke weakly. Her coat she slung over the back of his kitchen chair. 

“Now and again,” he said as he cleared a space on the sofa. “Mates from the academy.” He didn’t bother to explain further, and she didn’t bother asking, but that was nothing new; she sunk down into the cushions of one end and watched as he moved off to the kitchen. “Tea, or whiskey?”

“Wow. One’s a bit more extreme than the other, isn’t it? Didn’t think you wanted me sloshed, but there you go.”

A vaguely amused sound was his reply amidst the dull clinking of glasses and mugs. “Well, if you’re such a lightweight I’ve got wine here, too.”

“Ooh, posh. Wouldn’t have pegged you for the wine-drinking sort.”

“I’m not. One of my friend’s is, though—I keep one a bottle on hand for him sometimes.”

“Sweet of you. I’ll take some of that if you don’t mind. Or if your friend doesn’t mind, rather, since you got it for him.”

A couple of minutes later he came back into the room with her wine and a glass of whiskey for himself. It was good wine—not too dry, and yet not too sweet either. She wondered for a moment who it was that actually picked it out, whether it was Alec or his friend, but she decided that just this once she would have mercy on him and let it alone. She’d finished about half of it before he surprised her by speaking. “There’s no shame in leaving home, you know. You’re, what, twenty? Twenty-one?” He finished his own drink and stood to take it back to the kitchen. “You should make sure you’ve left for the right reasons.”

He’d allowed her to sit in silence for a long time, and the wine had done a good job of allowing her to untense from her anxiety. She couldn’t work up her usual amount of frustrations and anger she’d need to head him off in this conversation. Really, though, she thought wearily, did she genuinely want to anymore? He’d already proven he was going to let her make her own decisions. “What are the right reasons, then?” she asked him as he came back into view, settling her head back against the back of the couch. “I’ve been trying to find the right ones this whole time, and I’m buggered if I know.”

He watched her for another long moment of silence, taking in her slumped posture and tiredness, carefully weighing up his options before speaking up again. Except he didn’t speak in words—Ellie watched in confusion and faint alarm as he moved back over to the sofa and sat down with his back to her—and then pulled up his shirt. For a moment she didn’t know what he was doing; all she could see was the wide expanse of his pale freckled skin, the sharp teeth of his spine. Then her brain caught up with her eyes and she realized with a sharp, startled gasp that there were several long scars dug into his back, milky-white and jagged where they curled around his spine and lower back. “What— _happened_?” 

He lowered his shirt again and turned to face her. “Tree limb when I was ten. I climbed too high and slipped.”

It was said so smoothly that she believed him for a split second. “Bullshit,” she said after another second, and she felt abruptly angry with him that he would actually lie to her about it.

An anger that swiftly changed to confusion when he grinned wryly at her response; it was a tight, bitter smile, still pained for what memories were associated with it, and it rocked her back on her heels. “Likely story, though, and it fools a lot of people if they happen to see it.”

“Why show me, then?” She was being deliberately obtuse, and they both knew it. 

“You asked me why I left home. That’s why.”

She gulped the rest of her wine, unable to articulate a response right away. When she came back up for air she noticed the amused tilt to his grin, but she could still see the pain. “Suppose that would be a right reason,” she said, perfectly serious. She felt abruptly wrong-footed—not in a bad way, but she needed time to think, and this wasn’t the place to do it. Not with one of his secrets having just stared her in the face. She stood from the sofa and swallowed the last bit of her wine before handing him the empty glass. “Thanks for the drink, you’ll have to tell your friend he has a good taste in wine.” 

“What, leaving already?” No amusement there now, just the bitterness, and Ellie kicked herself when she realized what her sudden wish to leave would look like to him. 

“No- no, Alec, I’m not… I’m not leaving because I’m ashamed of you, or- or pitying, or horrified, or—whatever the hell you think I am right now, I just… I need some time to think, yeah?” On a whim she reached out and grabbed hold of his fingers, squeezing them gently. “I’ll go home and I’ll think about it, about my reasons for leaving home, and then I’ll come back and let you know what I’ve decided.”

She waited a long moment for his response, but eventually he nodded, looking calmer now at her explanation. She still felt vaguely guilty about how she’d handled her initial wish to leave, but she hoped her explanation would help to settle it, and she was oddly relieved when he took her glass and told her she worried too much. 

That night, with Kate still out with a couple of her other mates, Ellie sat for a long time beside the phone silently contemplating it. Twice she reached out to pick it up before her nerves failed, but by the third time she managed to pick it up and dial the familiar number before she could second-guess herself again. The phone rang twice before it was picked up.

“Hello?”

Now Ellie did start crying. “Lucy!”

Silence. Then: “Oh my god, oh my god, what the living _fuck_ , Ell! Two weeks I’ve been back here because Dad came all the way to London beggin’ me to help him look for you! You’ve got to tell me how you’ve managed to shake him off, ‘cos I left for a reason—”

“And you’re still a selfish bint,” Ellie said with a wide smile, so relieved to hear her sister’s voice that she couldn’t be irritated. 

“Me? I’ve always up and left, but you! Congratulations on your first jailbreak, Ell, it’s only taken you twenty years to get your arse out the door!” There was another long moment of silence as Lucy realized how harsh her joke could potentially sound, and then, rather more quietly, she said, “I’m sorry I left you alone.”

“That’s what you do, though,” Ellie said, trying to hide her bitterness. And really, she did understand, even if her older sister’s free spirit personality drove her round the bend. “I just… couldn’t deal with being in that empty house all the time, you know? Dad staring off into space doesn’t count.”

Lucy was quiet for so long that Ellie was half-convinced she’d hung up. “I miss her, too.”

“What should I do, Luce? I miss Broadchurch, I miss the sea, but I can’t go back to the house yet—”

“Don’t. Folk are still asking me how we’re doing, acting all caring and concerned just to start gossiping about where you’ve gone as soon as my back’s turned. Dad will guilt-trip you into staying for good if you come back now. I’d stay where you are… wherever that is.”

“Not telling.”

“You’re with Kate, aren’t you?”

“Lucy!”

“What? Dad may have bought her lies, but I knew otherwise! And don’t worry about me tellin’ him because I haven’t! But thanks for the confirmation, anyway.”

Ellie laughed despite herself. She wanted to talk with her sister for another hour if she could, just to be able to hear a familiar voice, but not even ten minutes later Lucy interrupted herself with a muttered curse. “Game’s just finished, Dad’s home from the pub. I’ll have to call you later, yeah?”

The phone hung up with a sharp click after Ellie said her goodbyes, and she sat with it in her hand for another long while before Kate coming home roused her from her chair.


End file.
